Frequently Asked Questions

The Basics

Q. Are you a doctor?

A. No. ClownDiabetes is a non-clinical wellness consulting and education service. We do not diagnose conditions, treat disease, order or interpret labs diagnostically, or write prescriptions. Anything falling into those categories belongs with a licensed clinician, and part of the job here is recognizing when that is the case and saying so.

Q. Then what do I actually get?

A. Time, explanation and structure. An unhurried conversation about your situation, plain-language education on what is going on and what the evidence supports, a realistic plan for the everyday inputs — food, movement, sleep, stress — and help preparing the questions that make your medical appointments more productive. You get written notes after every session.

Q. Can you replace my doctor?

A. No, and you should be wary of anyone who suggests otherwise. This works best as a complement to medical care: you keep your clinician, and we help you get more out of that relationship.

Q. I have diabetes. Can you help me manage it?

A. Not manage it — that is your clinician's role, and medication and insulin decisions must stay with them. What we can do is help you understand the condition, build sustainable habits around food, movement and sleep, and prepare better questions for your appointments. Never change medication or dosing based on anything discussed here.

Q. Will you tell me what I want to hear?

A. No. If the evidence for something you are excited about is weak, you will hear that. If your plan seems likely to fail, you will hear that too. That is most of the value.

Peptides

Q. Do you sell peptides?

A. No. We do not sell, supply, source, compound, administer or prescribe peptides or any other substance, and we accept no commission or payment from anyone who does. If you are looking for a supplier, this is the wrong place.

Q. So what does a peptide education session involve?

A. Explaining what a compound is and what is claimed for it, walking through the actual published evidence and how strong it is, laying out the regulatory situation in plain language, and helping you write specific questions to bring to a licensed prescriber. To ask about a session, use the form on the peptide education page.

Q. Will you tell me what to take and how much?

A. No. Doses, schedules and protocols are prescribing, and prescribing requires a license and knowledge of your full medical picture. Anyone offering you a protocol without either should worry you.

Q. Are peptides legal?

A. It depends entirely on which one and in what context. Some are FDA-approved prescription medications. Others are not approved for human use at all and are sold labeled "for research purposes only." Others sit in a shifting middle ground tied to compounding rules that regulators periodically revise. Ease of purchase is not evidence of legality or safety. Working through where a specific compound sits is part of what a session covers — request information.

Q. My friend had great results. Doesn't that count for something?

A. It counts as one anecdote, alongside expectation effects, everything else that changed at the same time, and the fact that people who have bad outcomes rarely post about them. It is a reason to look into something, never a reason to skip looking.

Privacy

Q. Is what I tell you confidential?

A. Yes, as a matter of practice. But be clear on the legal position: because this is not a medical practice, we are not a HIPAA covered entity, so those specific federal protections do not apply to what you share. We compensate by keeping records deliberately minimal and never sharing anything without your explicit permission.

Q. What do you keep?

A. Session notes and the contact details you provide. We do not store copies of your medical records or lab reports unless you specifically ask us to, and you may request deletion of everything at any time.

Q. Is the form on your contact page secure?

A. Treat it as ordinary email — suitable for scheduling, not for medical detail. Please do not send lab results, diagnoses, medication lists or other sensitive information through it. Save that for the session itself.

Practical

Q. Do you take insurance?

A. No. Educational and coaching services are not medical care and are not billable to insurance. They generally do not qualify for HSA or FSA reimbursement either, though your plan administrator is the authority on that.

Q. What does it cost?

A. Current rates are listed on the services page. The first conversation is free and carries no obligation.

Q. Do I have to commit to a package?

A. No. Sessions can be booked one at a time. An ongoing monthly arrangement exists for people who want it, but it is optional and never a condition of being seen.

Q. In person or remote?

A. Both. In person in [[CITY, STATE]], or by video anywhere.

Q. How quickly can I be seen?

A. Intake calls are usually available within a few days. Send a note through the contact form.

Q. What if I need something you don't do?

A. We will say so and help you find the right professional. There is no financial relationship with anyone we refer you to.